Before we get started, I want to sincerely apologize for posting like crazy, and then disappearing. I honestly have no excuse. The best I can come up with is, school was easy, now it’s getting tougher. I wasn’t working as much and now I work every day I don’t have class. No matter what is hindering me, I should be making time to write to you. The loyal readers, the people who’ve messaged me thanking me profusely, the few who have donated, the people who have shared my posts on various social networks. I am sorry I haven’t been writing, and I am going to give it my best shot to get back in the game. That’s all we can do, just give it our best.
Also, go ahead and scroll down to the bottom and click play on the YouTube video and listen while you read. It’s a tasty jam I assure you. (Sorry for those on their phones. Play your own tune, and listen to it after.)
So. You want something you can’t have, eh? Join the club.
Everyone wants something they can’t have. You, me, Bill Gates, and everyone else you know. A perfect example would be your average theist. Literally revering someone they can’t have. I want to bang Miley Cyrus, but let’s face it, it’s not gonna happen. Does that make me want to do it any less? Absolutely fucking not.
Let me get scientific on you for a second. Wanting what you can’t have has been studied, reviewed, experimented on, and anything else you can think of in the scientific community.
“According to Loewenstein, something significant happens when we feel a gap between what we know and what we want to know: curiosity hatches. As a result, we often feel the need to take action, to do whatever it takes to bridge that gap.” -Rebecca Strong
This is the best break down there is. Curiosity either kills the cat, or the cat gets laid and there is a happy ever after. Every movie out right now is a protagonist chasing the girl through the whole movie, and the guy always gets the girl, right? Your parents tell you that you can’t drink, smoke, bang, go to parties, stay out late. So what do you do? You drink, smoke, bang, go to parties, and stay out late. Stick it to the man.
I’ll skip going into further detail and get straight to the point. What do you do when you CAN’T get the one thing you want? No matter how important it is, you still can’t get it. Nothing in the world can keep you from thinking about it, and nothing is going to stop it from driving you crazy. Yes, I’ll never be able to bang Miley, but that’s mere fantasy. What about when it’s so close yet so far? What if it’s salient? It’s too important to simply chalk up as mere fantasy.
I think I am doing a bad job about explaining, so let’s put it into example, cause I am pretty decent about those, I think.
I had a girl friend once. I’ll spare you on everything other than what you verily need to know. We dated around 16 months. She was my first bona fide girl friend. I was 18 when we started dating, and 20 when we stopped. I was the most in love a young adult could be at that age. Irrevocably.
To make a long story short, after a myriad of mistakes on my part, and her constant forgiveness and slow seepage of trust, I ended things. Not because I wanted to, but because you can’t make a crumpled piece of paper quintessential. She held no trust for me, and I couldn’t help but make mistakes. Looking back, if I met her now, our relationship would be 100% different. I’m a better man, not much better, mind, but better.
There are mistakes I will never be able to take back, and relationships I will never be able to salvage, but does that stop me from wanting it so? You guessed correctly.
We broke up in late August of 2013. I can’t exactly say when, but up until a few months ago I thought about her every day. A month or so after we broke up I professed my love for her via text message. Then Facebook. Then Twitter DM’s. FUCKING TWITTER, ARE YOU SERIOUS!? It was like a period, every month I’d try a different way to tell her how I feel. I never had the stones to go to her, of course, like I’ve said in previous posts, I’m a pussy. Yet, I tried.
Somewhere deep inside, I knew I couldn’t have her. She was seeing other people, then after a while became exclusive with someone else. That just made it worse. At the time, she desperately did not want to break up with me. Given time, she knew it was the right choice, just as I had the day I did it. I was a wreck for a while, a few months, actually. Then it was an ache, then a dull pain, and now I only think of her in passing. “Oh, I’ve taken her there.” “Oh, we’ve done this together before.” And so on.
Even if I had her back in my arms, would it be enough? When I finally get rich, get what I wanted all along, would I be satiated? Would I finally be able to rest easy, because I got what I wanted all along?
We’d go back to our same routine. I’d fuck it up, we’d fight, and eventually the same thing is going to happen.
The point of this short story is that time heals all. In time, I was able to cope with the loss of what seemed like my other half after all that time spent together.
I may be plugging myself, but oh well, wondering what to do in the mean time? A question I’ve thought of myself is, what do I do for all those agonizing days, months, or years? Well, you could read my other posts. It’s not going to take you months to do so, most likely one sitting, but it will give you insight as to what you can do to cope and overcome wanting what you can’t have.
What I promise you is this: I can’t make it go away. I can only make it easier, and only time can completely heal you. You may have some scarring afterwards, from the wounds that festered your flesh and refused to close. But you will over come it. You will get passed it. You will heal.
You will succeed.
Please share! I can’t get the word to everyone by myself! To all the people who message me, comment, and the like, please keep doing so. It is a huge motivator, and helps me greatly when it comes to subjects to write about.
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Photo Cred to GunnerTracker