This goes hand in hand with dealing with the little big things. If you haven’t read it, be sure to do so!
My internet is back! Fuck yeah! Before we get started, go ahead and play the YouTube video at the bottom, this one is a goodin’.
Everyone has pet peeves. Whether it’s people looking over your shoulder, loud gum chewing, listening to obnoxious phone conversations, ect. It all boils down to the same thing: it’s fucking annoying. Yet, we can’t just walk up to someone and tell them to shut the hell up can we? The only real thing we can do is use tactics to deal with them in a better way.
It can be much worse with anxiety or depression. It can have a much larger impact. So it is that much more important to do what we can to deal with them.
I read about an eight step approach to dealing with pet peeves, but it didn’t take depression and anxiety into account. So here is my version.
Write down your pet peeves. Instead of telling yourself you’re pissed at the slow driver, or the fact that your sister plays music loudly, make sure to know what it is. A pet peeve. Instead of being in denial about it, it’s better to know that same thing will piss you off no matter where you are or who is doing it.
Talk about it to someone. While venting may intensify the negative feeling towards the situation, talking about it with someone may help. Instead of ranting about it, try to explain your feelings in a calm manor with no emotion towards the subject. Breaking it down in that fashion can help you come to an understanding of why it upsets you so much. This will bring us to the next point.
Understanding the underlying cause. Pet peeves are personal. While others may share the same one, everyone views them differently. Understanding the root of the cause is vital. It most likely comes from something habitual. You see the same thing in the same place everyday. You’re angry at slow drivers, because you run into the same traffic every single day on the way to work. For example, my sister always asks for massages when I happen to be busy with something else, so it irritates me.
“The resolution of these negative thoughts requires change and conscious thought – two things that exist outside of our comfort zones. So, we may unknowingly cling to our pet peeves because of old insecurities.” So we not only realize it is a pet peeve, but we have to acknowledge that it is a common occurrence in our daily routines.
Understand it isn’t something personal to piss you off. Your sister isn’t playing music loudly strictly to make you mad. My siblings don’t ask me for massages when I am busy simply because they know I am busy. Once we come to the understanding that they aren’t personal attacks, it makes them easier to deal with.
“Find a healthy release.” Screaming at my sister, or passive aggressively getting her out of my hair isn’t going to make the situation any better. Driving up the slow drivers ass isn’t going to make him get out of your way or drive any faster. What we should be doing, trying to find a release to the situation. Listen to some music, read my blog ;), slow down in your car. If you’re tailgating because you’re late, and you’re often mad at the slow drivers, you’re probably late often. So get to bed a bit earlier, wake up a bit earlier, and refer to my post about managing a daily routine.
Understand their side of the story. My sister isn’t asking me for a massage because she knows I am busy, it is just because that current time was convenient for her. The man in front of you isn’t speeding because he probably isn’t late, so he doesn’t have to worry about it. That fucking guy screaming into his phone isn’t doing it to annoy you, maybe the person on the other side can’t hear him, or perhaps the talker can’t hear himself.
Look for positivity in the situation. Of course my sister asking me for massages when I am busy can be annoying, but at least she is asking me. We still talk, we’re still close. If she all of the sudden stopped asking me, it would hurt my feelings. Yes, the driver in front of you is moving slowly, but at least you have legs and can drive your car in the first place.
Make a connection. “Avoid the temptation to engage in road rage-like behavior with the slower driver ahead of you or with the tailgater behind you. Instead, find the right time to pass or move out of the way. Smile, extend a helping hand and understand the source of the pet peeve is more about you clinging to a perception or some old baggage than it is about someone trying to disadvantage you.”
Credit to http://www.thebridgemaker.com for the original eight step guide.
Photo credit to Trey Ratcliff