You all know what I am talking about. The days that are worse than the rest. Sometimes one or two in a row. Sometimes weeks at a time. Emotions are dampened, useless feelings. Colors are muted and not important. People become other moving objects of no concern. I know exactly what the bad days feel like, I am living through one as I type this. To those who haven’t had the pleasure of experiencing this deep depression: Read carefully. There is a good chance you may know someone who goes through days like this, and you may be able to do something about it. (P.S. I threw in another YouTube song, click play before you read on.)
I’ll be honest, I am not a miracle worker. I don’t have a cure-all symptoms medicine, shake thoroughly before use! What I do have are strategies. It’s the little things that count, right? But, before we get started, I’d appreciate if you let me rant for a moment:
Days like this are the days that people like you and me want to die. I mean, what’s the point? To continuously live like this every day? and for what? It seems to me like the biggest reason people refrain from suicide is because they don’t want to make others sad when they go. “Think about your family! Think about all your friends!” So I have to struggle, every fucking day, five days a week between 9 and 6 o’clock? I have to put on this constant façade so others don’t know I am drifting in a black hole. All of my senses are dulled. Voices are muffled. Food is purely sustenance at this point, nothing has any particular taste. Yet, I still have to smile and laugh at the jokes that I can hardly get my head around, because all I am thinking about is emptiness. I still have to give the ooh’s and ahh’s at how great the food I can’t taste is. At the end of the day, I lay my head on a pillow, and my body under the covers. I got through another day of pretending, I think to myself. How much longer do I have to keep this up?
And then it’s gone.
I wake up, and the smells, sounds, and emotions hit me like a fucking Pace bus. Only I can’t sue myself for thousands of dollars. In the end, I think that’s why I am still here, continuously pushing everyday. It’s only temporary. I’m back, I tell myself, over and over. That wasn’t me, this is me. I smile, knowing that I can actually live this day to the fullest.
During the time before I knew I was going to come out of it though, were the worst. I’d spend weeks in eternal nothingness not knowing who or where I was going to be the next day. The one and only time I tried to off myself was then. May 12th, 2012, mark it on your calendars. Around 10 days before high school graduation if memory serves. A closed garage. A car running idle. A case of Busch lite. A C.D. playing my favorite music. A sister half awake going for a drink. A life saved.
Funny thing is she doesn’t even recall what happened. She didn’t fireman me into the house, I just noticed her in my half-awake, carbon monoxide stupor. Then it all clicked. And I’ll always be secretly grateful to her for it.
What you didn’t know is that monologue of mine is the first strategy I am going to bestow upon you. Ranting is the equivalent of pouring old milk down the sink. It’s get a 45 pound plate off of your chest after sitting there for who the fuck knows how long. Whether depressed or not, everyone needs to rant to another every once-in-a-while. I don’t expect interested, well thought out answers. I want an arm around my shoulders, a nod here and there. A shoulder to cry on saying it’s going to be okay. That’s all we ever need sometimes.
Not everyone has someone to rant to though, and that’s the catch with this particular strategy. If you consider yourself one of those people, just know that I am here for you. Send me a message, add me on Facebook. I may not be there to lend you my shoulder (I can’t afford to drive to California, for example), but I am there for you either way. Send me paragraph after paragraph. Get it off your chest. Send me anything you want. I might not be a doctor, but I am still another human being. A human being who has gone through what you’ve gone through. Maybe not in the same exact way or circumstances, but nonetheless I know what it’s like to feel useless. I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t belong anywhere on the planet, so why not just leave it? I know how it feels. So talk to me, if you’ve got no one else.
Here are a couple other useful things I do that have helped me during the bad days:
2. Drink water.
I can’t stress enough how important this is. It may seem trivial, but there is a method to my madness. Drinking a good couple of glasses of ice-cold water is going to do many things. It’s going to increase your blood flow as well as blood pressure. Which in-turn is going to help send those very much needed neurotransmitters to the brain.
3. Don’t sleep in.
Use all of the strategies I gave you in the last post for this one. If you sleep an extra couple of hours it is only going to help shut your body down even more. If you’re laying in bed awake, that’s even worse. Get out of bed, take a shower, drink some water. You may think to yourself that there is no reason to get out of bed, but I can tell you that you’re not going to accomplish anything laying there.
4. Read something
I can’t tell you how many times sitting down and reading a few pages of a book has helped me get out of my slump. I am a huge fantasy nerd, and letting myself get away in whatever world I am reading about really helps me snap back into reality.
Yet, those alone are not the end all be all of getting out of a depressive state. Those are the ones that work for me, but they might not be as effective for you. So tell me, what helps you get out of those bad days? How did my strategies work out for you? I want to hear your feedback.
Over 70 readers yesterday, that’s fucking insane to me. I can’t thank you all enough. To those who enjoy my posts: Keep sharing, keep talking about it. Follow the blog, comment on it, message me. I am here for you and I would love to thank you personally. For those who don’t know, since I changed the site up a bit it’s hard to find some stuff. At the top right of the page there are three horizontal lines. That will bring out a menu. From there you should be able to follow me and look at some other stuff. I believe at the bottom of the page is where you can share to Facebook and twitter and what not. The site definitely still has a lot of work, but I will continue to update you guys on the progress.
Photo Cred to Trey Ratcliff